Three things I want you to know If you can’t step into love

Interviewer Yuki

Romi is a yoga instructor with an incurable disease called spinal meningeal aneurysm. She spends happy days with her wonderful husband and two children (she gave birth to her second child after the interview), but when she was a child, she suffered without being able to tell anyone about her illness. As she associates with some men, she realize that men are big and gentle. When do you tell the person you love about your illness? She will send Yale from Ms. Romi to all those who have become timid in love, such as three way of thinking that she wants you to know before you fall in love.

– 【Yuki】First of all, let me ask you a little bit about your illness.

– 【Romi】 Yes. My illness is an incurable disease called spinal meningeal aneurysm, and it is an illness that always causes a disorder in the lower body. That’s why most people with the same illness wear orthosis or use wheelchairs. On the other hand, there are some mild symptoms that do not understand the appearance. However, nobody knows it visually, but I have a bladder rectal disorder, and there is a disorder of the internal organs system such as urination. I’m one of them.

– Is there any problem in doing yoga?

-I don’t have any problems, but I had hip surgery and I don’t have a tailbone. I have been condition called spinal meningile mass in L5 of the spinal cord, so I’m paralyzed from there, the same as the spinal cord injury.

In my case, my legs move, but I don’t have more hip bones than other people, so it’s said that it’s not so good to hit your hips or bend as much as you want. My parents tell me. that isn’t it better not to bend your hips with yoga? .But in addition to yoga, I also do snowboarding.

Until now, When I was told to stop, I never stopped. If the symptoms get worse because of what I wanted to do, it’s nobody’s fault because I just chose it and it got worse.Rather, I think that God gave me a period to challenge it, and now I’m thinking of trying anything, and now I’m thinking of trying anything.

– 【Yuki】The attitude of doing what you want to do while associating well with your own illness is very nice.Let me ask you about your childhood.What were you like when you are child?

– 【Romi】When I was a child, I was very shy.I had to tell my school teacher about my illness, but I didn’t want do it.I really didn’t want to tell anyone, and I wanted to hide it.Anyway, I was trying not to be missed, so I couldn’t talk to anyone.

There were a lot of things that I didn’t want to tell my teacher or my friends, and I didn’t want to tell my parents.So when I was in a pinch, I had no choice but to deal with it by myself.For example, if I eat something like this, my stomach tends to become loose, or if I hide the scars on my back like this, no one will find out.When I was in elementary school, I repeated a lot of such failures, experiences, and trial and error by myself.

But it was hard at the time, but I thought it was the first step to know myself.Now that I’m an adult, I’m not having a hard time living a social life because I experimented with everything at that time.I’m very grateful to my old life.

I’ve changed my mind now, but at that time I thought I was inferior to other people, so I think there were a lot of things that were positive and negative.I thought I was on the negative starting line, so I wanted to cancel it out.

-How long did you want to hide your illness?

-I had it until I was an adult.My student friends doesn’t know about my illness.I’ve always told my best friends and people who are close enough to bother me, but I didn’t tell my friends who is not so close.However, I told  the person who becomes a boyfriend about my illness.

I think some people with an illness or disability that is hard to see are worried about whether or not to explain their illness or disability.However, I think it may be necessary to explain about it in building relationships.I think it’s the point that everyone is worried about

-How and at what stage did you communicate your illness to people you’ve been with?

-At first, I was wondering when to tell them.I hid it from the first person I was going out with.So I wore clothes that didn’t show any traces of surgery.

However, when it became difficult to keep it hidden by all means while going out, At one point I confessed to him with courage while crying. I told him, “I’ve got an intractable disease.” Then he said, “I knew it.” I was very surprised.

In fact, my parents told him about my illness before I told him. He thought it was better to hear from me than my parents about it. So he pretended not to know about it.He told me that he was waiting for me.I was really happy and moved at that time.

When I was with the second person, I told him about it when I was likely to go out with him, because of my confidence in my first experience.You know when you’re in an atmosphere that’s going to be a relationship, don’t you?For example, For example, when I make a confession or when I’m talking about our future relationship, I tell him about it, saying, “I have something to tell you.” If  he leaves me for that reason, I’m lucky that I’m not grabbed by a bad guy. As long as I show my wounds, I only want to deal with serious people who accept my illness.

I’ve never been judged by someone because I told them about my illness before dating.Rather, All the people said that “Thank you for telling about it. I’ll protect you forever.” I want to tell everyone that men are very tolerant. You don’t have to be more afraid, and by talking about your illness or disability, your relationship with him may deepen and mens want to protect you more. They may feel responsible that they shouldn’t treat her lightly.

After that, I went out with some mens, but I always told them about my illness in a similar way.

No matter what the situation I am, my husband doesn’t care

– 【Romi】 I met my current husband through yoga.He is the person who rented the room which I used for my business trip yoga.After the business trip yoga, I talked with my friends in the room and he came back.At that time, it was my first encounter with my husband that I greeted him.My husband also participated in my next business trip yoga, so I exchanged SNS after the lesson.That night, I got a call and said, “Actually, In fact, when I first met, I immediately thought that you and I would have a deeper relationship.”. We fell in love immediately.

My husband knew everything about my illness Before we start dating.The reason is that I talk about my illness during my yoga lessons. I’m not just telling people about poses while doing yoga, but based on what I’ve learned from my illness experience, “You can have what you have. ”,So on the second day I met him, he knew all about my illness.

Because there was such a background, I did not tell about my illness again.However, I told him about the symptoms of my illness when it was the worst result, and I have shown a lot of appearances that actually make me sick.

For my husband, no matter what the  situation I am, he doesn’t care. He is always asking me to just stay alive.For example, if we could see the goals of our life, it wouldn’t be a big deal if we held the steering wheel properly.If the goal is clear, all we have to do is correct the course of our life no matter what happens along the way. He says he doesn’t care what happens.So no matter what happens whether I have a illness or not, it’s all trivial to myhusband.

I take great care of myself.

– 【Yuki】The relationship with your husband who accepts all of you is very nice.It seems that the you and your husband will be able to overcome any difficulties from now on.I understand well how he loves you.He is a really good husband.

– 【Romi】 I often meet nice guys for some reason.I’m not good at housework, and there are many things I can’t do.But I take great care of myself.I don’t feel guilty about thank you for dating me as illness, thank you for accepting me as illness, and sorry for being illness. Rather, I’m having an illness, but can you still accept me?I’m always confidently.I think I will refuse if the men  is not a man who really cares for me.I think men will treat women who care about themselves with respect.

-What is the specific way to take good care of yourself?

-There are many things, but I think there are three points in concrete ways.

The first is to be honest with your excitement.For example, are you procrastinating what you want to do because you don’t have the time, you don’t have the money, you don’t have friends in common, and so on? or Are you spending your precious time reluctantly because you can’t decline the invitation?

If you always put up with what you want to do and don’t do what you really want to do, you tend to lock in your feelings..But it’s such a waste, so don’t put up with what you love and what you’re really excited about.

The second is to accept your weaknesses without denying them.There are actually a lot of people who deny themselves, but those people want other people to accept themselves.But I think it’s too much to ask the other person to accept what you’re denying.So, first of all, I think it’s important for you to accept of yourself everything.

You don’t have to be positive about your weaknesses, you just have to accept them.Accept that you can have the unpleasant part of yourself.And even if the other person doesn’t accept you, you don’t have to lower your value.

Third, it‘s important not to be on the side of people who deal with you or where there are people who say things you don’t like.If you are in a place where you make a fool of yourself, your sense of self-affirmation will go down.If you are always saying terrible words, those words will be imprinted on you even if you don’t think so.

So I don’t want you to think that if you run away from it, you don’t have a place for yourself.It’s dependence that clings to the person who hurt you, because you think you might be the only one if you lose this person. I think it’s not very good.The world is wide, so I want you to go on a journey to find a place where you can be yourself.I don’t want you to stay where you have to lie to the feelings you don’t like.

I think it’s better not to ask people for your happiness. For example, because this person is by my side, or because of this person, I’m happy.I think it’s more important to think that” I was able to get this person because I’m such a wonderful person.” for the people you associate with.I think it’s a good idea to think about why you’ve become happy, not on your own.

– 【Romi】An easy way to take care of yourself is to wear what you like.For example, I think that it is what I do for myself to keep a favorite smell, favorite furniture, favorite color, favorite thing at hand.

I want to be surrounded by things I like, so I don’t choose anything that tastes a little different from what I like, and I want to put my name in my things.Isn’t that especially exciting for girls?I think that investing with money and time for yourself is also about cherishing yourself.I feel like I’m going to charge myself.I’ll spend a lot of money and time on myself to get to think that I’m beautiful, like buying cosmetics or going to a beauty salon.I wear clothes with high tension.The first thing I said is that I’ll do what I’m excited about.

I think that if you just get a little closer to your ideals, you’ll feel a little more confident.Before I think that I am not good at anything, I think that I do not make an effort to the extent that I can do it.I go on a diet, and Eyelash extensions also go.I’m making the least effort to be who I like.It’s easy for me to gain weight, but I’ve decided to definitely put my weight back after childbirth.I don’t want to make excuses for not being thin because I don’t have time.That’s why girls should make an effort.

– The result of the effort that you can see is the most obvious, isn’t it?

-Your efforts don’t betray you.So by all means, I want you to invest money and effort in yourself and make an effort.

– You can have confidence in yourself by take care of yourself.It’s important to take care of yourself before you fall in love.

Let’s see.Also, I think some people think about having their own weaknesses and complexes, but I want to tell them that complexes actually make their own good points.

When you think about the balance of yin and yang in yoga, if you only have one or the other, you lose your balance.Because of the “yin” that you don’t want to tell people, such as what you don’t like or what you’re worried about, the good part that actually corresponds to your “yang” is created.

For example, your kindness, or the hope of a person who has the same troubles.Negative factors are the material of positive factors.So don’t think of illness or disability as a complex for love.Illness and disability are strengths for you.

I think that there are some people who are drowning in words such as “intractable disease” and “disability” and are not able to do what they can.Don’t run away because of their words.It’s not because of illness that you can’t fall in love.If you’re making excuses to get away from love because you’re sick or have a disability, even if you’ve lost your illness, I don’t think you’ll be able to have a much happier relationship.Even if you are sick, if you are dignified, there are people who will look at you properly.

– 【Yuki】Do you have any goals? or what would you like to do in the future?

– 【Romi】Actually, I’m preparing to move abroad now.What I’m thinking about now is moving to Bali two years from now.When my 10-year-old son goes up to junior high school, changes in his life due to the new coronavirus, and my pregnancy are just the right time.Even if you move to Bali, you want to be able to earn money regularly wherever you are.For that purpose, we are now building a foundation.I want to work with people I like at any time in any place in the world.That’s why I’m not just saying it, I’m doing what I have to do.

Also, I wanted to tell more people about my yoga.When it is a studio, the person who meets my yoga is limited by all means.There are many people all over the country who have the same problems, and I want to expand the online yoga that I am currently working on as a way to provide more yoga for them.

-I would like more people to know about your yoga.It would be nice if I could tell people overseas someday.

-Let’s see.If I move to Bali, I would like to broaden my horizons not only in Japan but also overseas.I want to always look at the future and put it into practice more and more.

– Finally, please say a word to those who have become timid about love.

-Disabilities and illnesses are a way to shake terrible man so that you don’t get hurt by them.It protects you from terrible guys and becomes your guard man.Therefore, there is only a good man who has passed there.

I want everyone to have a wonderful love with confidence without having such an idea  that only this person will accept me.

– 【Yuki】After the interview

People with disability may think once that I may be disliked by the other person because of my disability. But what if you were in the opposite position? If someone you love have a disability, you probably won’t give up relationship with themI think you were attracted to that person’s personality and charm that you didn’t have. If so, I felt that it was important to continue “taking care of yourself and making efforts to bring out your charm,” as Romi said.Thank you very much, Ms. Romi.

Ms.Romi’s Instagram is full of other positive words.
Please take a look!

   @romi.yoga_1103

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